A surprising personal development

Dear friends,

As I promised in our previous blog I owe you some more insights, this time not in Brazilian culture but in our own Dutch culture. I will share some of my insights which have developed in the last 7 months.

I did live abroad before, in a country which is probably far more different from the Dutch culture than Brazil, India, and I travelled a lot around the globe. Still, I can say that during my time here in Brazil I have learned a lot more. I knew that there is a huge difference in living or travelling abroad, but never could have imagined that this time the lesson would be so broad.

Where shall I start? Maybe, with the fact that I am a Dutch woman. What is typical about this?  Well, we Dutch woman grew up with the teachings that;

1.      We need to be (financially) independent

2.      We are equal to men: have the same rights, need to use these rights fully and proof that we are equal

When I first heard that I wouldn’t get a work permit in Brazil, my whole mind screamed to refuse this. I already saw myself begging for money to buy clothes. I have always arranged everything myself: had a good salary, was career-minded, had great friends and travelled a lot. I completely matched the image of how a Dutch woman should be.

Here I project these points on women, but it is actually applicable for Dutch people in general. Below some examples you may recognize:

1.      Never show off, we always say something like “ah, I was just lucky”. Here in Brazil people are proud of what they have reached and don’t hesitate in showing this.

2.      ‘doe maar normaal dan doe je al gek genoeg’ (act normal then you are already weird enough). In Brazil people don’t care at all what other people think. Result: showing their full proportioned bodies (in shape or completely out-of-shape) with tight and sometimes (too) less clothes.

3.      Treat people equal, that’s maybe why the Dutch are not so good in providing a service (example: the waiters at the Amsterdam terraces). Here in Brazil the client is king. They do everything for you and often there is an overload of employees willing to help.

However, after getting in touch with several women here in Sao Paulo, I got the insight that it would be really hard to find something without a permit and that it would be actually quite convenient/ a relief when there would be somebody who have time to arrange all the basics (car, house, governmental things, bank account etc.) for us. So, slowly I started to accept that the first couple of months I would be busy with arranging stuff for our life in Brazil. Notice that this was still in our preparation time, before moving to Brazil.

Then off course came the REAL experience. Not the imagined one, how it would be or what I hoped it to be. This experience turned out to be completely different then what I expected! I didn’t need to beg, I didn’t feel guilty. Actually it felt quite natural! Maybe there was still the old role pattern inside me of men and women, haha. Don’t get me wrong, for me it was not a license for doing nothing and spend my time at the swimming pool sun bathing. For me it was an insight in the fact that my mind made something up that I completely believed in. And if it wouldn´t be for our expat situation I would never have changed this. This process happens many times in our lives and is the cause for undertaking action or not.

Also the fact of not having a job was far easier than I thought. I really believed that I would be bored soon and would be horrified in taking the role of a housewife. But, Brazil gave me something to do all the time (see previous blogs). It was never finished. Suddenly, I also could sleep as if I never had slept before. Ronald asked me many times with surprise if I was ok, because in the past I was always the one who was full of energy and wanted to jump out of the bed immediately. What was happening to me?  I saw another side of myself. A side I always had avoided and still would avoid if this Brazil situation didn’t put me there.

A consequence of all this was that I could reflect much better on the pro’s and con’s of my working life (in NL) versus my non-working life. I clearly saw that our Dutch culture is very result driven: we always need to perform better, earning more money, getting a higher position and combining all this with our social lives. It doesn’t surprise me that a lot of people are stuck at home with a burn out! We make our work so important, maybe too important! Who we are completely relates to the type of work we do and how others value this work. Dutch people live to work (although they will probably deny) and Brazilians work to live, that’s the difference.

At this moment I am trying to find the perfect balance. Hopefully I am going to reach it soon!

Sanne

Some more lessons in Brazilian culture....

Olá!

We hope you all survived and enjoyed the extremely cold winter days in Europe. We saw all the beautiful winter pictures on Facebook and heard about the whole hype around “De Elfstedentocht”. So we could imagine a bit how the Netherlands turned into a picturesque landscape. However, really imagining is hard with 33 degrees and bright sunshine. At this moment it is so bloody hot that it is horrible to sit on a chair or couch inside the house. But no complains furthermore!

After our last blog in January, Ronald and I finally could enjoy our new house and neighborhood. Most of the (basic issues) where arranged, all movement done and the first Dutch visitors returned home. Mission completed?! Well, this is Brazil and unfortunately we found out that nothing is always completed in this place. At this stage we can write stories and stories about the Brazilian culture, but I will just pick out the most stunning one.

At the end of December I got a panicking message from one of Ronald’s colleagues that Ronald was trying to call me for already one hour, but that he couldn’t reach me. My poor husband was hit by a taxi driver and was now standing shocked alongside the high way. I immediately jumped into a taxi and drove to the place of the accident. Thank god, nothing happened to him, but our recently bought car was another story. It couldn’t drive for- or backward. In our minds we already thought about the whole annoying process we needed to start to get that car fixed, the damage paid and that we needed to arrange another vehicle to spend our Christmas at the beach. After a small 3 hours (which was said to be half an hour) we finally were picked up by our insurance company (at that time we were already used to the Brazilian lack of punctuality).  Well, in short the whole process we needed to go through was that the insurance company of the taxi driver needed to check the damage first before it could be fixed. Ok, fine. Checking that car would not take more than max 2 days and the garage confirmed it would take 10 days to repair the car. Our Dutch minds calculated quickly that the car would be ready somewhere in the first week of January (the accident happened on the 19^th of December). That was doable, because we didn’t need the car in between. But as you already can guess, that car was not fixed.  The insurance company didn’t even check the status of the damage even though we informed regularly. Finally on the 3th they gave the garage the permission to start the reparation. Quite annoying because Ronald needs his car every day for work and a taxi cost him around 70 Euro for a return. Well, the garage confirmed by phone that the car would be ready on the 17^th. Three days before we checked if this date was still the deadline. Yes, it is Mrs. Sanne, no worries. When contacting them on the 17^th the car was not ready and what did we get, off course, an excuse. Now the car would be ready on the 20^th, they told us.  We expressed that the car really needed to be ready by then, because we were going out of town that weekend. That Thursday our consultant (from our expat agency) informed again if the car would be ready next day. “Ready?” they asked. No, the car will be ready on the 6^th of February was their answer. I can still remember that I was running on the treadmill and that the steam was coming out of my ears. “They are going to arrange something otherwise they are not going to get their money! They have to arrange a temporary car!” I told our consultant. Oh, I was so pissed that I can still feel my anger. Well, off course I already rented a car (again) for that weekend, because I didn’t trust this whole situation. Surprisingly, I got a phone call on Friday afternoon that we got a temporary car, too late for that weekend, but at least we didn’t need to pay a taxi for the week after. I asked for a confirmation by email with location, date and time to pick up the car. Monday 8 am was the answer. On Sunday, on our way back home, Ronald was joking about the possibility that the car could have Rodizio (= you are not allowed to drive your car that day between 7 and 10 am and between 5 and 8 pm). “Nehhh, I said, if that happens they are very stupid. This will not happen”. So, next day Ronald went there and after half an hour waiting, making copies of his driver license and passport, the manager (!) came to him and said that he was sorry, but that the car had Rodizio. Wow, this guy was indeed the stupidest person in the world! Ronald needed to wait for 1,5 hour more. I have never seen him so angry, so angry that he completely  molested our trash bin.

Besides this story we have some more in the same category. Our lesson from this incident was: don’t trust the people you make agreements with. I can tell you if you have a high trust in human kind, that’s a shame, because this will be gone in a second when you live in BrazilJ. I experienced myself!

After this and the incidents we faced with Brazilians in the last 6 months, we also can conclude that they don’t hesitate lying (in our eyes). Lying (small or big) is something they grew up with and mainly used for not making another person angry. We, Dutch, immediately think about the consequences when the person in question finds out the truth. This guy would be even angrier! But, Brazilians want to protect their face at that particular moment and they don’t worry about the consequences. That’s something for later. If necessary, and that is often, they blame another person. That’s insight number three, it is never their fault. It is interesting to see how they are living in the moment: not thinking about the consequences, not planning ahead or thinking in process steps (I told in one of our previous blogs). Besides all these insights about the Brazilian culture, I also have them about our little country. This I will safe for our next blog.

Furthermore, we are doing well even though you may think our stress level would be sky-high after reading previous experiences. This is not the case J we are enjoying Brazil (and neighboring countries) in full pull. We went a weekend to a coffee farm, I went to Buenos Aires to see one of my best friends and last week we experienced the Brazilian carnival! What a happening! A bit overrated and I think the image the world has of the Brazilian carnival is way different, but it was great to see the kissing (a lot) and partying Brazilians.

Tchau!

Ronald & Sanne

In de Sambodromo

The coffee bean

The coffee farm we stayed

Christmas & New Year in Brazil

Gente, Feliz Ano Novo!!

First of all we want to wish you all a wonderful and loving 2012! We hope you had some nice days with family, friends, a real Christmas tree and off course good food and wine. That this year may bring a lot of positive things for you all.

For us it was our first Christmas here in Brazil, but it didn’t feel like Christmas at all. With 30 degrees, bright sun and fake Christmas trees it was hard to get that real Christmas feeling.  Despite the fact that Brazilians really try to bring Christmas alive and that they do get the Christmas feeling themselves, for us it felt different; over the top decorations (I don’t want to know the electricity consumption), long traffic jams (until 1 or 2 at night) to get a glimpse of THE Christmas tree at Ibirapuera park or the light decorations at Avenida Paulista. Mmmmm, maybe we had to act a little bit ‘more Brazilian’ and had to join them to get that real Christmas sense. Nevertheless, we spent Christmas at the beach just forgetting it was Christmas J

Christmas decoration Brazilian style

Decoration in Iguatemi shopping mall



The Ibirapuera park Christmas Tree




Even fake snow....

New Year we celebrated at Morro de Sao Paulo, a small island at the north east coast of Brazil. A place of which I have very good memories of:  quiet, white sandy beaches, small bays, blue ocean, a good mix of locals and backpackers, cozy (sandy) lanes with colorful shops and restaurants.  Unfortunately, at arrival this paradise of 3 years back was transformed into a crowded, loud and commercial place overloaded with Brazilian and Argentinean youngsters (fir those who know, it was like ‘de Bubbles on the beach’). Fortunately, we had nice company: Xander & Marliesa (a Dutch couple from Sao Paulo) and Michel (Ronald’s brother) were there to toast on the New Year. However, we said to each other…….. “We will never visit such a place again”. Apparently, we are becoming older J

New Years dinner

With champagne on the beach

Besides all the holidays we almost forget to tell you that we reached a big milestone: we live in our apartment! It took some time and frustration now and then, but we proudly present our casa in the pictures. It is just a 'little bigger' then what we were just in Amsterdam......

Our own Brazilian churrasco place

 ......the result of living an expat life

We really feel at home here, happy to finally have the possibility to make our own breakfast, invite people for lunch or dinner, bike with our ‘Dutch design’ bikes and have our own things from ‘home’. After almost two months of having Dutch guests here, it is very nice to have time alone now to enjoy and explore our new environment. The next big happening will be Carnaval in Rio de Janeiro and I will visit one of my best friends for a weekend in Buenos Aires.

Até mais!

Ronald & Sanne